Monday, September 26, 2011

Being Mom is so hard sometimes....

Somedays I feel like I fail in so many aspects of "Mom"hood..... There are so many days that I want to do so much more for my kids.  Since I moved out on my own with my 4yr old (I was 20 yrs old) I have struggled financially to provide.  I luckily had the support of my parents while I went to Radiology school and was able to get a decent job to help support my son and I.  Back then, 9.50 an hour wasn't half bad and six months after I moved out I bought my very first house.  I got limited child support for my son (didn't even cover daycare) but we made due.  I look back and I wonder how I did it!  When I got a divorce in 2005 I was back to the struggle! 

I hate having to tell my kids I can't go to the grocery store until next week (when there is limited food)  I hate having to tell them I can't buy them something when more times than not its the school that's asking for them to buy it ie. sports items etc.  Ugh!  I'm very thankful for kids that understand (most of the time) and will wait if need be or just make due.  My son has lived this way his whole life.  He learned early on that I couldn't buy him the expensive shoes and that his clothes needed to be bought on sale.  He has always been understanding and if he asks for something I think he feels guilty which breaks my heart!  I brought these kids into this world I want to give them whatever they need.  I want to be able to help with his college or with my daughters softball or cheer needs or just be able to let Kolbi do something special.  Not always do I get to do that but that is my ultimate goal.  I love my kids more than anything and I want them to succeed.  I have to say that I think my kids are better people because they know what struggle is and they have seen me work so hard for so many yrs.  They see a work ethic in me that hopefully they will be more apt to use in the future. I can honestly say I'm so very proud of who they have become and how loving they are.  I couldn't ask for better kids.  I just want them to be able to look back when they are older and know that I have done everything in my power to give them the best possible life.


Anonymous said...

Your kids sound amazing, as do you.

I'm positive that they will look back and know you did your absolute best. I know I do with my Mom, who was also a single, working mother. My Dad paid very little support, and at time, none at all. If I resent anything, it's that.

But my mom, she is my hero.

littlemdl said...

Thank you Jen! Makes me feel better knowing that they won't feel slighted when older but see that I have done everything I possibly can for all of them. Its tough but worth it!