Thursday, September 15, 2011

Ohhhhh its chilly......

Now most of you might think that I am talking about the weather, which in a sense I am but I am also talking about my attempt to try to rebuild some burned bridges with my soon to be step son.  Ummmm still waiting on a response.....any response......smoke signal???    I guess I really shouldn't expect  one considering he is 14 and boys at that age don't really care.  I'm sure it was swept under the rug several weeks after the big explosion happened but for me it has lingered.  I want to be forgiving and I want to be able to just pick up and start over but my thought is, if I do that am I telling my own children its ok not to take responsibility for their actions?  Its a tough one.  I feel that Tony is the one that really suffers and I hate it! 

I feel that we are made to be the monsters here which in reality that is furthest from the truth.  We have rules and require them to be followed but when they go home we are made to look like we just don't understand etc.  What I would like to know is, when do we stop believing everything that comes out of our kids mouths and take some time to look at the situation.  If it were my child, and they were lets say continuously getting in trouble at school I'm not going to make excuses saying its the schools fault but find out what's going on with my kid!  I have raised a pretty decent 23 yr old man and honestly some of the stories I have told him about what these boys have said and done just leaves him shaking his head.  He would have NEVER spoken to me the way these boys speak to adults let alone their dad and mom.  I know as a parent you want your kiddos to succeed and you hate seeing them fail in any way but I also know that I can't fix everything for them.  They have to make decisions and have to ultimately be responsible for the consiquences.  I don't feel like I can always talk to Tony about how I feel when it comes to his kids because they are HIS kids.  I don't want to keep him from them at all!!!  I want him to have a growing relationship with all of his kids.  One step at a time I guess.  All I can do is pray about it alot and keep an open mind and open heart.  I find myself tensing at the thought of being thrown back into that situation without addressing the problems of the past and it scares me.  Not sure the real answer.  I have tried to talk to their mother about the situation and essentially it is all our fault.  We upset them, we weren't understanding to their feelings.  We don't understand how they got their temper from their dad.  Even though they haven't lived with him in 6 yrs its all on him.  She has even gotten them to believe it and now its used as the excuse for everything.  Ok I just have needed to vent about this for a while.  What do you do as a parent or for that matter step parent?  Do you forget all actions and open your arms or do you stick to your guns????  Ugh!!!!

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